30th September - Quito

First difference geography wise - the bloody sun is up so early on the equator. 5am it starts streaming through. The other flat sharers woke up at 7 and seem very nice. One girl, Sinead, is only here for one night which is a shame as she would have made a good drinking buddy. Other chap, Craig, is from Suffolk and we have walked the streets of QUito all day. There are elections today and there is some strange Ecuadorian constitution which means there is a ban on the sale of alcohol which wasn't ideal. The bars look pretty cool and should be receiving more visits over the next few weeks.

Craig described his room - which has a soft bed, a fridge, a cooker and a telly. My room has a bed like a plank and I was concerned when the new landlady billed the bed-side lamp as the main feature of the room

School tomorrow.

29th September

Time to leave. It has been a great month. A real shame I can't stay longer but there you go. So I have prepared for the flight.....

Cases packed
Card for G written
Abstinence from alcohol the previous night.

ah

G made my favourite meal - milanesa, puree de papas, salad etc and I really struggled not to fire projectile vomit over the spread. DId the photos thing and dished out some farewell presents and generally lauded it up for the remainder of the time there.

BA - Lima - Quito passed with little incident and although the airport in Quito looked like the inside of the Swan, Stockwell I did spot the man with my name on his board.

No real problems with the altitude although I won't be running any marathons for a while. The City is completely different to BA and is surrounded by mountains. My new mother seems very nice and speaks pretty good english. Went to bed. The room is really interesting...

28th September

... last full day in BA. Last lesson with Curly Silvia was quite good and I got at least 3 subjunctives in !! The leaving presentation was as always a mouthful of warm cider and random figues in the Spanish assessment. Took photos of everyone and Pablo said it was a pleasure to have taught me. Well, I think he said that. On current form he could well have said 'don't you ever darken the door of Linguatec again'. Went to buy lots of last minute postcards and mate con bombilla.

So I finally got to go to the barbers. Asked if he had clippers and then he produced a gadget which you'd be struggling to cut toe-nail hair with!

Watched the Eng v Tonga game and they have finally improved. Harry and I started on the jugs of beer so whaving before we went out was fun.

Went to Cathy's for drinks before the bar. All the girls were dolled up. Muy linda.

The bar was called Milion and was quite an amazing setting with terraces and little drinking rooms. Alternated between Cuba Libre and Quilmes and the new hairstyle didn't seem to dissuade any of the locals from conversing with me.

Struggled back at 430am.

Got lamped and struggled back at 430 am.

27th September

Just when I thought the Spanish was back on track I find I actually undertand every 4th word. I thought G had invited Anders over for a Peruvian meal that she was going to cook but it turned out we were going out for dinner. Had the famous Ceviche - raw fish 'cooked' in lime juice. Was actually very nice. Looking forward to more in a month or so. Anders was hilarious at the meal and Magui's new dinner interest which took the heat off me.

Really should make a list of all the stuff I need to do before I leave BA.

25th September

This weeks seems odd without all the chicas at Linguatec but Gemma and I have coped!! Swatted up on superlatives so I could impress the Graciela/teachers with my descriptions of Iguazu. Finally met the famous Katy Fisher, very friendly and Gemma's new partner in crime. There is also a new fish in my class. Harry from England. Also a good laugh.

21st - 24th September - Iguazú

Given up trying to do the T + thing as I seem to have lost some days (and brain cells) along the way.

Just got back from Iguazu.

Friday: Met one of the curly-haired teachers friends at the bar (Radio Set - total rubbish banging techno music, Grrrrr) and finally went to a club in Palermo with Gemma, Daisy, Tony (american) and Nathan (brit). Unfortunately had to leave wilst still in the queue as had plane to catch (sounds like it was a good night).

Saturday: Went to Iguazú with Anders (swede). Hotel good, food ok and spanked Anders 3-0 at pool. Went to meet Ken for beers in Iguazú town. Got hammered on Heineken for 5 pesos per litre. Had to get bus at 7am next morning. Left Ken in some club called Cuba Libre. Haven't seen him since but apparently he is back in school

Sunday: Got bus to Las Cataratas. It just occurred to me I don't get hangovers in BA. I reckon it must be related to the humidity! The falls were amazing. You can't imagine the amount of water that goes over the edge and the noise that comes up from the bottom. La garganta del Diablo ("throat of the Devil") is the most impressive - took over 100 photos. All set in an ecological park. For the nature lovers amongst you there are scores of butterflies, wild guinea pigs, coatis and birds galore. Took a bot trip under one waterfall. Got soaked but was good fun. Then went on a bit of a white water escapade and finally a trek and a 4x4 trip through the jungle.

Completely different night when we got back. Watched Liar Liar in Spanish and asleep by 10.

Monday: Off to Brazil!!! Ironically, all the best photos are from the Brazilian side as they are lower than the levels of the Falls but the business end is on the Argentinian side. The excursion was a bit of a con as it was billed as a 1/2 day trip but was in fact 90 mins in the Iguacu park in Brazil and the rest of the time in souvenir shops that were visited by the coach. Took the best photo with my phone even captured a rainbow with it. Rushed to catch 1415 flight back to BA which was minging with all the turbulence.

Back in BA had a good dinner with the family and impressed them with my knowledge of my national park vocabulary. Had fideos and assorted cooked meats. Did homework, watched susanna jiménez for a while (she is a 65 year old plastic actress that has seen more nips than Tokyo - must remember to remove this before I publish memoirs)

Finally I have worked out why I am sleeping so soundly in the flat. It ISN'T because it is difficult concentrating in another language it is because of the smell of weed emanating from Alfredo's (son of Graciela) in the wee small hours. Probably explains why I wake up wanting kit-kats as well.

20th September

Apparently ear-plugs and alarm clocks are not compatible. Missed the starts of the first lesson since I've been here as I am such a girly swat. Started the morning in style by wishing Alfredo (Graciela's son) a "Buenas Noches". Didn't recover much after that.

Went back to El Salmon (not sure if I mentioned it but it is like Hooters). Had another great steak, pots and salad for 5 quid (took a photo this time). Had alrge beer and then remember I had an extra class.

Pablo beasted me with the preterite subjunctive by the end I couldn't even remember the present tense.

Off for Happy Hour 3 of 4 tonight and sadly the last for Daisy. Although she is very young she is incredibly good fun and very reminiscent of an ex-girlfriend.If you check out her photo on FB I'm sure you can guess which one. I'll be sorry to see her go.

I am off now for a coffee and a read of the papers. I wonder how Ireland are getting on with the French...

19th September

Big night tonight for Anish and Tania's (twins from Conneticut) birthday. Going to some bar/restaurant in Puerto Madero (BA equivalent of Docklands). Means I get to skip a meal in the flat and not get interrogated on the subjunctive and las preguntas retoricas (which I singularly failed to spot during the previous night's meal much to the amusement of my Argentinian family)

Booked some more lessons for Friday with Pablo. He is a great laugh.

So I turned up fashionably late for dinner. 1030pm. And was the first to arrive. Went up to the man on the door and asked in my best Español if there was a reservation under the name of Allen. You don't need to understand much Spanish to understand the proceedings...

Steve: "¿Tiene una reservación por Allen?"
Hombre: "¿E?" (you'll note, he couldn't even be arsed to say "Qué" or "Perdon")
Steve: "El appellido es Allen. A-L-L-E-N"
Hombre: "¿Andrews?"
Steve: "No, A-L-L-E-N"
Hombre: "No hay una por Alem"
Steve: "No. A-L-L-E-N"
Hombre: "Claro, Allen"
Steve: "¡Sì!"
Hombre: "No"

The others turned up later on but we couldn't get in. Went for a nice Italian next door and then to a bar I went to on day one. Time flew, made small talk. Got back at 3AM. Homework not started.

18th September

We are go for Iguazu Falls! 130 quid gets you a return flight, dinner/bed and breakfast for 2 nights/airport transfers/full day excursion to Argentinian side of Falls and 1/2 day excursion to Brazilian side. So long as I don't get bitten my a mozzie we should be in for a treat.

17th September

Had a new teacher today. Andréa. Looks a bit like Pocahontas. She is nice and a stickler for correctness which I think is best for improving the Spanish.

Have decided to do extra lessons next week in the afternoon. It seems very popular and although the grammar and vocab retention is pretty good I may as well make good use of the facilities.

Made a concerted effort to have salad for lunch and no beer. Well, also because I have no money until this afternoon so that's all I can afford. Actually, on that point, I have one beer with my lunch most days but no one else does, I'm sure they think I am an alcoholic.

Went to take some photos of building of historic interest in Recoletta - took the French embassy, government building and a very picturesque art deco edifico which turned out to be Ralph Lauren!!

Went home, had dinner, did revision, spent about 30 mins on the toilet. So much for salad and alcohol abstinence. Back on the steak and ale tomorrow.

16th September

This won't take long.

Got up at 12, had lunch, went back to bed, had dinner, did homework, went to bed.

14th September

Oh dear God I wish the room wouldn't spin. Mum and dad if you are reading this please note the liver is fine and no need for Gaviscon.

Got up at 4 pm. Struggled to McDonalds and ordered a Big Mac McCombo (sic) and then went to watch the dregs of the US college football with the yanks.

Went to a tango show in San Telmo. If any of you get the chance to go to La Ventana theatre to watch Tango I can heartily reommend it. 30 quid gets you a 3 course meal with water, wine and soft drinks included and a show of Tango, music, singing and acrobatics - well worth it. Had a photo with a dancer - and you thought the Vegas photos were cheesy, wait until you see this one.

We went back to one of the yank's flats and drank until 3 am. The nutters went clubbing I went home.

13th September

There is a sense of expectation in the air. It's Friday night and everyone is up for a pint. A small matter of England v South Africa to take care of first.

Just watched the game. ¡que desastre! para les ingleses!!! 36 unanswered points to the Boks.

Walked to the pub. 30 mins it is supposed to take. Hour and a half later, Williams rocks up to the bar.

A great night was had by all. Tapas, wine, beer, mojitos, unpronounceable cocktails. Ken (one of the Americans) lets it known he bats for Uruguay (think about it) so we then head off to a gay bar. Hmm, the idea of playing drinking games is now going to pot. Actually while I remember, for anyone wanting to know what to say or what not to say when someone tells you he is gay, here's how not to answer.

Steve: "Where are we off now"
Ken replies with some very spanish-sounding bar
Steve: "Where is it? Sounds funny. It isn't one of those gay places is it?"
Ken: "Well, actually it is. I'm gay."
Steve: "Oh." . "At least the toilets will be clean"

hmm.

By this time the girls are starting to overdo the cheap Argentinian alcohol and one nearly collapses. And she is the one I like. Bugger.

We ended up in El Alamo where I started the day watching the rugby. By now I too am losing the ability for speech but I do remember 2 things.

1) A larger than life America in the group called Partick taking the piss out of me and the Brits for not being able to take their beer, and when I got back to the flat...

2) ... realising it was SIX AM. Pretty bloody impressive in my book.

12th September

STOP RAINING! I didn't sign up for this! Struggled to class this morning, we studied how to use obligation (eg, I have to ....) etc. I reckon in a week I'll be on to the subjunctive. That's when the fun really starts. Not sure I know what it is in English.

Bad guts for the first time since I left Blighty. Just had a salad for lunch and we discussed which theatre to watch Saturday's tango show. V pricey in comparision with most things in BA for those considering visiting. About 30 quid for a show not including food.

Had a nap before dinner (Milanesa) and now I am home alone. The girls are off to see their brother/uncle respectively and I am going to savour the delights of Argentinian TV.

Nada más por hoy

11th September

It's Wednesday. At least I think it is, the time seems to be going quite quickly as I get used to the life of a Porteño. It is absolutely pissing down outside, not helped by the fact Auntie tell sme there is a mini-heatwave in Wales. Tonight was the night I was going to La Boca to watch a Boca Juniors game but Graciela mentioned tonight is a big day in the Jewish calendar. I think it is "Rosh Hashanah" but she was talking so fast it may as well have been an invitation to a hash party.

Picked up the washing, smells good, still warm, back of the net!

All good, it was a Jewish night. ELEVEN of us. 10 fluent in Spanish and muggins still on chapter six. Sat next to Graciela's eldest son (Ignacio). He is the head chef in a top hotel restaurant in BA. Had some very awkward moments earlier in the week when I asked the family if they new what "RAPE" was. Don't worry it's not what you are thinking of, "rape" (pronounced rap-hey) is Spanish for "monkfish" and as it is most common in the Med I'll forgive them for not knowing. Ignacio did which made me feel intellectual and relieved at the same time.

I had to wear a Jewish skull-cap for a while which is surprisingly warm. Ate too much, drank too little and had further pesadillas during the night.

10th September

I am the king of role-plays having successfully negotiated GCSE exam question 14 : En la lavantería. ie the launderette. They aren't self'service over here so you can't just sidle up to a machine, put a load on and sidle back 30 mins later. First hop had a broken machine which made things a little difficult but all sorted in the end. Hopefully tomorrow when I return I will have a nice bag of clean clothes and not have had them blown up in a controlled explosion (although to be honest, the socks I travelled over in would most likely benefit from such an thing).

I didn't think it possible but I am actually getting tired of eating meat. Where is Singerman when you need him?

Had dinner with Alfredo and another Alfredo which was a little frustrating as I asked them about rugby but couldn't understand their answers.

Have an excellent drinking game to play with the yanks on Friday. Watch this space.....

9th September

So I have been here a week and what better way to celebrate than getting out of the sprawling Metropolis to see gauchos at an estancia (that´s cowboys at a ranch to you lot). Very hot guide showed us around to begin with and we were greeted with empanadas and as much wine as you could throw down your neck. Then horseback-riding (wait until you see the photos) and lunch and more wine. Music and dancing and then a traditional gaucho-machismo riding spectacle. I think Jackie Nickless would be the only one to appreciate how difficult their manoeuvers were. More empanadas and maté before the bus went. First time I´d tried maté - this is the grass they pour boiling water onto and then drink with a straw. Looks like marijuana in a cup. It was full of sugar so I will reserve judgement until I have one sin azucar.

Wales won the rugby just I see and England nearly threw it away as well. Big games coming up in the next few days. Check out my facebook groups to see one of the rugby bars I frequent in BA.

Am in the flat alone, well apart from Toby the cat who is about as much fun as a night in with Nick Bishop.

8th September

Went out to a wine expo and a bar in Palermo last night. All the girls were hammered but sadly Steve returned to the flat alone. Cabs rock in this city. Costs about 3 squid to cross the barrios. Had to get up early to switch countries. Went to Colonia in Urugay. Very chilled. 1 hour boat trip across el rio de la plata and then a short walk to the old town. Very picturesque, lots of snaps, ice cream, beers and oddly you could hire golf carts to drive you around the town. Sat on the beach and watched the sun setting. And this is their winter. Bet it gets toasty in December.

Why do Brazilians have to shout when they talk. And they talk total pish as well. Bad journey back from Colonia as you can tell. Bizarre meal when we got back to Puerto Madero - really tasty steak but they kept showing music videos on a big screen behind us. I waited for the announcement of karaoke but sadly it didn´t come. Busted will have to wait another day.

5th September

OK, so I´m off to Uruguay - for the weekend!! Have to get up early tomorrow but out on the lash tonight which should be interesting in the morning.

Bought some more clothes in the equivalent of C&A (I´m such a catch), had that awful moment - is the card going to be accepted? but it was. High five to the Royal Mail.

Spent few hours in El Alamo bar watching Argentina stuff the French in the 2007 Rugby World Cup. WHAT AN ATMOSPHERE!!!!!

Off to a wine tasting thing in 30 mins and then hitting the bars at 10. I think I´ll say I am a Pumas supporter and see where it gets me.

There isn´t a day that goes by when I don´t fall in love with una chiquita on the way to work. Al the women have brunette hair and brown eyes. It is like heaven every morning. There is also a huge billboard with Penelope Cruz on it which makes crossing the road an all-together more palatable experience...

... now where did I put that black shirt?

4th September

Not much to report today. Spoke a lot to a waiter in a coffee bar in Recoletta. Not sure he understood me but my asking of the location of the toilet was textbook (god, I sound like Alan Partridge) and his reply didn´t take me to the kitchens so I think I did OK. Had an awkward evening meal. Graciela´s daughter was in with her 2 mates. Imaging this. 4 women talking shit...in a foreign language... and then asking your opinion. Didn´t understand many questions, said the wrong thing, looked an idiot, lots of laughing on both sides.

3rd September

´king cold today. It was burning hot 2 days ago and now fleece weather. Lesson this morning with another new teacher. She was very good. Probably the most down to earth so far. She was agreeing with me there was no need for la caca de perros on the pavement.

Had a beer which came in a 2 pint bottle for lunch and we discussed trips for the weekend. About to watch a bloody chick-flick in Spanish as part of the revision. Oh great.

2nd September

A different teacher and different students today. Still good fun. Managed not to get run over by the drivers for the second day running. Lunched in an Italian restaurant. Pasta, bread, beer, cheese cake - 4 quid. Nice.

Went on a trip to a huge park in Palermo in the afternoon. Might be the destination for ad-hoc BMF sessions this month. The guide pissed himself laughing when I told him I was going to teach football next month. Just remember who won the last Eng v Argentina game, sunshine!

Had hardcore Spanish session with G when I got back to the flat and helped her fix the oven (hmm). Había mucha tormenta during the night. Lightening struck the flat. Nearly soiled oneself.

1st September

First day in the language school. Good set up. Not one word of English is spoken during the classes so it is a case of sink or swim. A few English folk on the course and I think I have been put in the correct group. We are one below the top. A fair bit of revision in the class but the only new thing I learnt today was how to do possessive pronouns. Mind you, I can´t think of a situation where I would have to say "mine". oh.

Had lunch in Puerto Madero which is scarily like Docklands. Lots of suits having long lunches. I went for a bite with an English girl called Gemma who is a bit homesick. I dazzled her with my knowledge of the local customs and language by successfully ordering a green salad but my hopes and pride was somewhat dashed when the waitress returned with just lettuce. Ah.

After, went for a stroll around the City and back in time for a large place of roast meat. Dan would love this place.

Day T-1

OK, I remembered why diaries are impractical whilst travelling. You go for days of doing lots of stuff and then you have to put it down in writing after the event and days run into one another. Here goes.

• Got up
• Went over to the Mundegar household en route to Gatwick. Marie couldn´t be arse´d to get up and Archie was late - nice to see marriage hasn´t changed that couple.
• Flight to Houston was fine but fims crap (Shrek 3/ Pirates of the Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
• 4 hours in transit was like sticking pins into your eyes.
• Slept loads en route to Buenos Aires. Missed better films.
• Arrived in Buenos Aires and had strategic airport dump.
• Cab driver to host family was muy loco but arrived in one piece
• Graciela is nice and a great cook. We went for a walk in Recoletta. Saw Eva Peron´s grave. Had ice cream and came home. Met her daughter Maggie (muy linda) y su hijo Alfredo.
• Bed by 9. Slept 10 hours.